I seem to have left my pride at pride
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
meet me or not, i'm out of control
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
