I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
