I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
