this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Randomize
