i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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