I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
