dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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