I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
