I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
