When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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