just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
