You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
