1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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