Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize