I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
