Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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