Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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