It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
