Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
