Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
