Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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