new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize