But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
