you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
