god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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