I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
