I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
