you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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