i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
