I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
