I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
