Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
