I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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