What a fucking waste of an outfit
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
