remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
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It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
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Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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