I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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