Well douche your snatch and let's go!
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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