Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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