You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
