theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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