Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
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i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize