Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
