Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
