This girl is more easily done than said...
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
my poor anus
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
