I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
