i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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