I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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