everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
