Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
