The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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