I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
that's an acceptable place to lick
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
