These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
