He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
