dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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