that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
