the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize