What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
