hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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