I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
