So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
