So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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