I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Ambien. No doubt about it.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
