how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
